Seeing my parents together as a child painted a picture of what I didn't want to have, what i didn't want to become. My mother came to the US when she was an adolescent and has been traveling back and forth from Dominican Republic and is ten years my fathers senior. My parents met in DR and migrated to NY to start a new life together. My mother found a decent job in the garment district but my father on the other had had a very hard time with this new world, the new language, the American culture. Since he didn't know the language or any trade or education he had to settle working at a sugar factory making close to nothing. For as long as I can remember my mother was the bread winner in our home but she never made no mention of it. I didn't know until I was older.
When I was a teenager he got a job as a superintendent and a few weeks later my mother was laid off and the tables turned. With that came all kinds of changes, change I will never forget. He was now the breadwinner, he paid the bills, and then I guess he felt power, the MAN. This is when it got bad, when they would have arguments he would shoot back well this is my house and you can leave. Everything he did, every penny he paid he made sure we knew, and we felt it. This was when the verbal abuse got real bad the worst. He would tear my mother apart with his words and made us feel worthless. I would beg my mother to leave him but her answer was always, "where are we going to go?". My mother was trying to find another job but her work was being shipped over seas for cheap labor and the jobs that remained would only be enough for the rent. She felt stuck and like she had to suck it up and be strong in order for me to have a roof over my head.
While this was going on my sister started having some of the same issues with her spouse. He also became a superintendent, was verbally abusive and my sister was stuck but she refused. She worked hard and held on tight for a few months, packed up her and her 3 children and bought her home. She refused to be in a unhealthy situation that didn't meet her needs. She went through a lot but she was focused and determined on making her life work and moving on to have a peaceful mind and environment for her children. I was and still am proud of her beyond words, I look up to her and because of her I know I can do it.
During my situation, I hated the way I felt and as a confused adolescent, my attitude was like eff the world but then as a I got older and saw my sister going through it and survive alone, the question of "what I am going to do so I can get out of this situation?" I never want to feel like I have to rely or depend on anyone again. I won't let a man define me, I rather be by myself and adopt children than be with someone who mistreats me. I will never go through it, I've made it clear to all my relationships and to my friends and family. If they see me tell me so I can be aware and snap out of it. That was my motivation for turning my life around and started working towards finishing my high school diploma, going to college, getting a job, everything! Everything I do is for me, my future, and my future children. I don't want to owe anyone anything, I don't want to be taken care of so that when they feel they can belittle me. I rather live under a cardboard box and call it my own than be with someone because I need them to survive, to pay my bills, to take care of me and be unhappy. We don't need anyone to survive but ourselves, our motivation is what helps us make it and if you work and believe towards where you want to be, you will get there. There may be bumps on the way teaching you lessons but keep on going, never stop, everything happens for a reason and you will get where you want to be and destined to be.
In my household sometimes I struggle with the issues of my past because sometimes I get scared and I'm very quick to want to bail because I can. Relationships take work and nothing is never perfect but I always make sure I'm comfortable, that I'm happy and that I'm willing to put of and work through some issues because I want to not because I have to. I make sure there is a balance, I don't let others get in the way of me as an individual, of what I want my family to be and what I want to do and get out of life. I always keep in the back of my head that there is a chance I can end up alone with my children and I'm okay with that. Sometimes it feels like I'm in a lonely place but if there is no one in this earth that can be equal with me, do something for me or our family without throwing it back in my face or hold it as ammunition to make a point, then it's meant to be and I shall be alone. The only person I trust 100%, I'm not afraid to ask for help, trust with my life, I know always has me at number one and has always ALWAYS been there for me eventhough we go through our issues and she has her own, is my mother. I try to figure out what am I going to do when she leaves me. The thought scares me, I hope to have children by then so I can cope better.
Many great powerful, strong women are not married or with anyone and I understand why.
My story continues, let's see what happens...
I will always be okay, I'm a survivor.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Non supportive mother
My mother comes over today because I'm sick so she brought me soup. Before she comes in I have to make sure everything is in it's place, I change clothes so i can look/feel skinny, I do everything so that maybe just maybe she can one day be somewhat, a little impressed or compliment me or my life. I don't let it absorb me but it is in the back of my head when I'm around her.
Well today she sits in my living room and
she asks me so "how much have u lost?"
Me: About 75 lbs (with a smile thinking she is going to be impressed because it's only been 4 months)
Her: you still have a lotta stomach. U have to lose weight in your stomach
Me: ok
I look away trying to fight the tears thinking here we go and why?? Why must she do that?!?! I'm mad, I'm sad but I swallow it change the conversation and move on...
Just another day in the life of the phat fat girl...
Well today she sits in my living room and
she asks me so "how much have u lost?"
Me: About 75 lbs (with a smile thinking she is going to be impressed because it's only been 4 months)
Her: you still have a lotta stomach. U have to lose weight in your stomach
Me: ok
I look away trying to fight the tears thinking here we go and why?? Why must she do that?!?! I'm mad, I'm sad but I swallow it change the conversation and move on...
Just another day in the life of the phat fat girl...
Monday, December 20, 2010
Struggles of being Obese, Over-Weight, Big, Fat etc.
Last night I experienced one of the most humiliating moments with my family that left me disgusted with everyone. It didn't happen to me but it has before but this time I was an outsider looking in and for once their disapproving eyes weren't on me. Because I wasn't the one being humiliated, my feelings for the situation were even stronger because I know how she felt, I felt what she felt and it hurt. Now let me explain what exactly happened:
We were on this ultra sensitive elevator going up to my parents house, it was me, her and 2 others when the elevator just stopped and got stuck. You see this special elevator like I said is ultra sensitive so when I get in it I try not to even move or go in with too many people. I guess we had too many people in it and it stopped. I know how my parents and family are so I prayed they wouldn't have any dumb fat comments. There were none, that we can hear anyway. Until it was time to go, as we were saying our good-byes to everyone my uncle stops and says to her. How did you think you can get in the elevator when the weight limit was 2,000 pounds and you alone reach capacity. Then everyone started laughing and I felt it. The embarrassment, the humility, the sadness, the anger, just a million feelings. Wanting to tell everyone to eff off, you cruel insensitive people. But she kept her composure and laughed it off and walked away. I wanted to cry and scream for her. I've been there before, a million times before with them but back then I had no where to go but the bathroom to cry and console myself because no one understood. I always stood alone as the fat one and when I said something the responses would be: "They are just joking", "they are just concerned", "they do it because they love you and just want you to lose weight", "why don't you just stop eating and exercise", "just lose weight", a total disregard for my feelings.
Now after the surgery and and 70 pounds lighter I don't feel as self conscious as I used to but sometimes I forget I'm not as big and still have the feelings. I've cried for her for since last night. No one knows this feeling, unless you are big no one can even imagine. We are still people with personalities other than being over weight. Others don't understand this is an illness like substance abuse but it's part of our physical. It's an illness you can see but that doesn't mean we need to be reminded, it doesn't mean we are weird and need to be stare at, we are people! Regular people that sometimes over eat and have a little junk in our trunk!
I sometimes wish everyone with this issue could have the surgery or be the same size, just so we can ALL feel better about ourselves, I mean the surgery doesn't fix it all. The eating and emotional issues are still there but it's a tool to help us loose some of the weight. I don't want to promote the surgery like that because one has to be ready for it and want it. It's a huge step and I'm so scared of failure, I've become emotionally attached to my scale. When I don't see it move, I feel scared with a chance of failure. Then for the rest of the day I feel really conscious of what I eat and how much. But the good part is that I can fit into a more comfortable size (16 from 24 almost 26) and I'm a little bit more confidence when I go out. I feel better being intimate with my husband. It has a lot of positives but you definitely have to be mentally ready for the good AND the bad.
I've always had an optimistic outlook in life. Just let things roll down not letting comments get to me. I've always tried to overcome my issues and live as freely and positive as possible but sometimes it does get to me. Sometimes in the back of my head I feel people still stare, I could just imagine what they were thinking, I second guessed myself, the what-if thoughts are always around the corner and that moment yesterday with her triggered all those feelings. I felt them, all of them. And they are the problem, my family, my Dominican culture, this society, this skinny culture but they out number us and instead of helping us, they laugh and make us feel isolated.
But know even though you may feel alone, you are not and don't give up on the battle. We are all here for a reason and are the way we are for a reason. The battle is not over until you say it's over and always have control over your own life and live with no regrets. I had the surgery because I wanted to. I felt I needed to do it to help me, help me lose weight, get healthy and begin healing me. As you can tell I still struggle with some emotions but I cope. If you've had the surgery or is thinking about the surgery join or visit thinnertimesforum.com , this has been amazing to me. I found super inspiring people here and they have helped be move forward and keep fighting.
If you are going through something, want someone to speak to or anything please don't hesistate to contact me at simplydenisi@gmail.com
We were on this ultra sensitive elevator going up to my parents house, it was me, her and 2 others when the elevator just stopped and got stuck. You see this special elevator like I said is ultra sensitive so when I get in it I try not to even move or go in with too many people. I guess we had too many people in it and it stopped. I know how my parents and family are so I prayed they wouldn't have any dumb fat comments. There were none, that we can hear anyway. Until it was time to go, as we were saying our good-byes to everyone my uncle stops and says to her. How did you think you can get in the elevator when the weight limit was 2,000 pounds and you alone reach capacity. Then everyone started laughing and I felt it. The embarrassment, the humility, the sadness, the anger, just a million feelings. Wanting to tell everyone to eff off, you cruel insensitive people. But she kept her composure and laughed it off and walked away. I wanted to cry and scream for her. I've been there before, a million times before with them but back then I had no where to go but the bathroom to cry and console myself because no one understood. I always stood alone as the fat one and when I said something the responses would be: "They are just joking", "they are just concerned", "they do it because they love you and just want you to lose weight", "why don't you just stop eating and exercise", "just lose weight", a total disregard for my feelings.
Now after the surgery and and 70 pounds lighter I don't feel as self conscious as I used to but sometimes I forget I'm not as big and still have the feelings. I've cried for her for since last night. No one knows this feeling, unless you are big no one can even imagine. We are still people with personalities other than being over weight. Others don't understand this is an illness like substance abuse but it's part of our physical. It's an illness you can see but that doesn't mean we need to be reminded, it doesn't mean we are weird and need to be stare at, we are people! Regular people that sometimes over eat and have a little junk in our trunk!
I sometimes wish everyone with this issue could have the surgery or be the same size, just so we can ALL feel better about ourselves, I mean the surgery doesn't fix it all. The eating and emotional issues are still there but it's a tool to help us loose some of the weight. I don't want to promote the surgery like that because one has to be ready for it and want it. It's a huge step and I'm so scared of failure, I've become emotionally attached to my scale. When I don't see it move, I feel scared with a chance of failure. Then for the rest of the day I feel really conscious of what I eat and how much. But the good part is that I can fit into a more comfortable size (16 from 24 almost 26) and I'm a little bit more confidence when I go out. I feel better being intimate with my husband. It has a lot of positives but you definitely have to be mentally ready for the good AND the bad.
I've always had an optimistic outlook in life. Just let things roll down not letting comments get to me. I've always tried to overcome my issues and live as freely and positive as possible but sometimes it does get to me. Sometimes in the back of my head I feel people still stare, I could just imagine what they were thinking, I second guessed myself, the what-if thoughts are always around the corner and that moment yesterday with her triggered all those feelings. I felt them, all of them. And they are the problem, my family, my Dominican culture, this society, this skinny culture but they out number us and instead of helping us, they laugh and make us feel isolated.
But know even though you may feel alone, you are not and don't give up on the battle. We are all here for a reason and are the way we are for a reason. The battle is not over until you say it's over and always have control over your own life and live with no regrets. I had the surgery because I wanted to. I felt I needed to do it to help me, help me lose weight, get healthy and begin healing me. As you can tell I still struggle with some emotions but I cope. If you've had the surgery or is thinking about the surgery join or visit thinnertimesforum.com , this has been amazing to me. I found super inspiring people here and they have helped be move forward and keep fighting.
If you are going through something, want someone to speak to or anything please don't hesistate to contact me at simplydenisi@gmail.com
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Days Leading to Weight Loss Surgery - Gastric Bypass
Well Well hello hello... How you doing? (In my NY accent)..
A lot has happened since my last post.. I went into surgery on Thursday, August 26, 2010. Anddd it was a success! Thank you for all the prayers and all the great wishes. I had my gastric bypass surgery and when I went into surgery I was 309 pounds and now almost 3 months later I'm at 258. I'm pretty proud of myself even though it hasn't been easy, it has definitely been worth it.
Weeks before surgery I thought I was going to die, I was super nervous. I was preparing myself for the worst, I was doubting weather I wanted to go through with it. it was all I thought about all day, everyday but when I got the urge to call the Doctor and cancel I told myself, "NO! You will go through with it! Even if you die, it'll be okay but hopefully you don't die and you'll one day be a normal weight and be able to wear knee high boots."
Yes it sounds dumb but yes I have this little convos in my head lol. And yes what keeps me going is the thought of me one day wearing the knee high boots. Every time I see someone wearing them or try some on (that don't fit, I know they won't fit but I keep hope alive) I say to myself, "One day! One day I will!!." lol Okay well back to preparing for surgery: Yes, I was driving myself nuts with all the negative things that can happen but the positive kept me going. I was looking and googling everything about the surgery. I was reading blogs and I wanted to be as prepared as possible, I didn't want anything to surprise me. Thankfully I read some great blogs like this one and this forum. You see I was happy. I've been big all my life but there were times where I felt pretty and attractive and my health was fine. But since last year I gained all this extra weight (like 40 pounds) I felt out of breathe, I felt slow, I felt big. I've been against this weight loss surgery but I got tired of the yo-yo weight and the worst of all I started getting a little depressed and I wasn't feeling good about myself and felt myself just closing up and not wanting to go out and socialize. Most people in my family have had it and they've had good results and I just wanted to go back to the old confident me.
When I had the surgery, I remember waking up in recovery and feeling totally aware of everything around me. All the little pains, the oxygen tube in my nose, the oxygen going inside of me, my stomach and I was scared. I was alone, no one looked familiar, I wanted to cry like a little girl who was left alone in a park full of people. A nurse came up to the side of my bed and told me he was at my surgery and asked of I was okay. I said, "no it hurts". Then he told me about the morphine and I asked him how big is my stomach then he should be how much 30cc was. But then by the time I knew it I was out until they told me I had a phone call and it was my parents and I started to cry. I cried because I was happy they were there and because I was a little down.
After the surgery, when I had time by myself I would like and ask, "Why me?" Why do I have to do go ALL of this to be happy and normal? Why do I have to go through this? I would let myself cry for a few minutes but tired to snap out and said, "It is what it is." Took a deep breath and it made me feel better. I thanked God that I had 2 months off work to concentrate on myself and get through this.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
2010 Update
Well well, hello hello ...
I know I know.. What my deal?? I go MIA and come in and out.. Where do I go, what do I do.. Well I've been here getting everything together. Going to doctors appointments, registering for school, working...
Sooooo I got into grad school (YAYAYYYYY!) so in a few weeks I'm on my way to an MSW (Master's in Social Work). I'm so happy, so proud of myself. I want to do so much, I want to change lives, I want to help people. I want to show everyone YES we ALL can!! A spick girl from Queens, NY who was almost a high school drop out made it. Made it to graduate school, made it where I want to be. Everything I've put my mind to it, I've accomplished, with a few bumps but I've made it. After my degree I hope to one day open my business. I want to open a counseling center or an after school program for adolescents or something to help the community, my borough, my city, my state and someday maybe the nation and who knows the world lol.. I know, I know now I'm just thinking crazy. But who knows maybe one day. Very proud and grateful!
Another note something else is also happening. In November 2009 I started considering gastric bypass and in July everything was finalized and approved. I had my surgery date for July 22, 2010 but I was too anemic and they postponed it. Now I'm okay everything has been cleared and it's going to happen any day now. I'm excited I can't wait til I see and feel results. I've been feeling sick and fat for a year now and I can't wait until I feel normal. I want to be healthy again, I want to start my family, I want to fit into rides at amusement parks and just feel NORMAL!. I've always have been big but I've felt great with my size 16-18 but last year I was really anemic and I couldn't exercise, I could barely move, I slept most of the day because I was so tired. My hemoglobin was at 6-7 and I felt terrible. Since then I've gained 40-50 pounds and now I feel slow, big, double chinned and just big. But hopefully in a few months this will all change.
I've been researching the surgery everyday, reading blogs, reading research, life pre-op, life post op, just everything. I feel like I have a good grasp on it and hopefully everything works out as long as I follow the guidelines and my doctors instructions. (..sigh..) yea man I've signed up for another adventure, lets see where this one takes me but so far so good ...
Thinking about the future excites but at the same time it scares me. So many things can and will change. Things surprise you and test you but I just follow my heart and hope for the best. Everything happens for a reason and I'm a huge believer of that. Life has taught me that over and over again. Even when you are in a bad, sad place when you are stuck don't worry you are there for a reason just have faith and keep working on yourself when you look back you'll understand why you were there. Everything we read, everyone we meet, everything we touch, smell, feel is there to teach you, to enlighten you, to encourage you. So embrace it, learn from it and move on..
Well that's enough with the life lessons lol.. I have to post more things about my history but with everything happening it's a little hard. My nephew is going to be a senior in HS this year I'm always researching colleges and scholarships and wow is that time consuming or what!! He has good grades so he has so many choices but the better the school the more expensive. I want him to go to a great school but I don't want him to have a debt of $300,000 when he gets out either. But if he gets into an ivy league I would hate to take away that opportunity. It's so hard when it was time for me to go to school I didn't have any choices. The only school I could get into was a community college. But if you have any advice for us, feel free to comment or write me an email at simplydenisi@gmail.com .. :)
simply Denisi <3
I know I know.. What my deal?? I go MIA and come in and out.. Where do I go, what do I do.. Well I've been here getting everything together. Going to doctors appointments, registering for school, working...
Sooooo I got into grad school (YAYAYYYYY!) so in a few weeks I'm on my way to an MSW (Master's in Social Work). I'm so happy, so proud of myself. I want to do so much, I want to change lives, I want to help people. I want to show everyone YES we ALL can!! A spick girl from Queens, NY who was almost a high school drop out made it. Made it to graduate school, made it where I want to be. Everything I've put my mind to it, I've accomplished, with a few bumps but I've made it. After my degree I hope to one day open my business. I want to open a counseling center or an after school program for adolescents or something to help the community, my borough, my city, my state and someday maybe the nation and who knows the world lol.. I know, I know now I'm just thinking crazy. But who knows maybe one day. Very proud and grateful!
Another note something else is also happening. In November 2009 I started considering gastric bypass and in July everything was finalized and approved. I had my surgery date for July 22, 2010 but I was too anemic and they postponed it. Now I'm okay everything has been cleared and it's going to happen any day now. I'm excited I can't wait til I see and feel results. I've been feeling sick and fat for a year now and I can't wait until I feel normal. I want to be healthy again, I want to start my family, I want to fit into rides at amusement parks and just feel NORMAL!. I've always have been big but I've felt great with my size 16-18 but last year I was really anemic and I couldn't exercise, I could barely move, I slept most of the day because I was so tired. My hemoglobin was at 6-7 and I felt terrible. Since then I've gained 40-50 pounds and now I feel slow, big, double chinned and just big. But hopefully in a few months this will all change.
I've been researching the surgery everyday, reading blogs, reading research, life pre-op, life post op, just everything. I feel like I have a good grasp on it and hopefully everything works out as long as I follow the guidelines and my doctors instructions. (..sigh..) yea man I've signed up for another adventure, lets see where this one takes me but so far so good ...
Thinking about the future excites but at the same time it scares me. So many things can and will change. Things surprise you and test you but I just follow my heart and hope for the best. Everything happens for a reason and I'm a huge believer of that. Life has taught me that over and over again. Even when you are in a bad, sad place when you are stuck don't worry you are there for a reason just have faith and keep working on yourself when you look back you'll understand why you were there. Everything we read, everyone we meet, everything we touch, smell, feel is there to teach you, to enlighten you, to encourage you. So embrace it, learn from it and move on..
Well that's enough with the life lessons lol.. I have to post more things about my history but with everything happening it's a little hard. My nephew is going to be a senior in HS this year I'm always researching colleges and scholarships and wow is that time consuming or what!! He has good grades so he has so many choices but the better the school the more expensive. I want him to go to a great school but I don't want him to have a debt of $300,000 when he gets out either. But if he gets into an ivy league I would hate to take away that opportunity. It's so hard when it was time for me to go to school I didn't have any choices. The only school I could get into was a community college. But if you have any advice for us, feel free to comment or write me an email at simplydenisi@gmail.com .. :)Hope everyone has a great day!!
Love Always,
Friday, April 9, 2010
High School Graduate: If I did it, anyone can!
Sometimes I speak to friends from high school and they tell me how proud they are that I made it. I've completed my BA, I have a stable job, I have no children out of wedlock, I married after school, I have my own apartment, now Im looking to move foward and completing my MA. I feel I didn't do anything spectacular, it's not like I got amazing grades and was valedictorian. I was an average student that did what anyone could've done. I wasn't saved or had some amazing opportunity, everything I did in terms of school and everything else, anyone could've done.
When I was in high school I was a terrible student, I barely went to school and even when I did show up I didn't go to most of my classes. I had no aspirations, I didnt know what I wanted to be when I grew up, I didnt even think about it. I think back and I wonder where was my mind at and why didnt anyone simply ask me? I wasn't a bad girl, I was still nice, sweet, caring but I wasn't focused on anything. Not my life, not my future. I was just living in the moment, waiting for something to happen. Like me there are thousands of adolescents today out there waiting for something to happen, someone to speak to them, someone to raise awareness.
I knew about college, I knew it was there but I didn't see myself going because it seemed hard, nothing I could get into, nothing I can do. Until a guidance counselor took the time and asked me about my future plans, asked me about graduating high school, told me about community college. Told me I had choices where my grades didnt matter, I only needed a diplomia or a GED. Then we spoke about how I can complete my diplomia, graduate on time and move on. When I spoke to her I told her its impossible, I'm supposed to be in my senior year and only have 22 out of 40 credits but we made a plan and at the end of the year I graduted with 52 credits. I went to school all day (7:25 AM to 4 PM) then twice a week I went to night school til about 9 PM. I struggled a little bit but I did it. Just like I did it everyone could.
I'm not a genius (tell from my grammer errors) believe me I'm not I just figured out what I wanted. To be clear I didn't just figure it all out in one day. I gave it some thought.. Where do I wanna see myself in June? Where do I wanna see myself next year? Where do I wanna see myself in 5 or 10 years?
In 2002 (when I graduated HS) I only knew I wanted to be out of high school, and I mostly knew what I didnt want. I didn't want to become a statistic, I didn't want to get pregnant, I didn't want to drop-out of HS, I didn't want to work at a minimium wage job forever, I didn't want to go to public assistance, I didn't want to count on a man for anything. I wanted more, I wanted be able to pay my own rent, buy my own things, stand on my own two feet so I wouldn't feel stuck with anyone because I couldn't survive on my own (I'll tell you why another time).
I am where I am because of me. I made the decision to try and beat the statistics and I'm still trying...
Don't be shy.. Contact me email (simplydenisi@gmail.com) or simply leave a comment :) I'm here for everyone :)
SimplyDenisi <3
When I was in high school I was a terrible student, I barely went to school and even when I did show up I didn't go to most of my classes. I had no aspirations, I didnt know what I wanted to be when I grew up, I didnt even think about it. I think back and I wonder where was my mind at and why didnt anyone simply ask me? I wasn't a bad girl, I was still nice, sweet, caring but I wasn't focused on anything. Not my life, not my future. I was just living in the moment, waiting for something to happen. Like me there are thousands of adolescents today out there waiting for something to happen, someone to speak to them, someone to raise awareness.
I knew about college, I knew it was there but I didn't see myself going because it seemed hard, nothing I could get into, nothing I can do. Until a guidance counselor took the time and asked me about my future plans, asked me about graduating high school, told me about community college. Told me I had choices where my grades didnt matter, I only needed a diplomia or a GED. Then we spoke about how I can complete my diplomia, graduate on time and move on. When I spoke to her I told her its impossible, I'm supposed to be in my senior year and only have 22 out of 40 credits but we made a plan and at the end of the year I graduted with 52 credits. I went to school all day (7:25 AM to 4 PM) then twice a week I went to night school til about 9 PM. I struggled a little bit but I did it. Just like I did it everyone could.
I'm not a genius (tell from my grammer errors) believe me I'm not I just figured out what I wanted. To be clear I didn't just figure it all out in one day. I gave it some thought.. Where do I wanna see myself in June? Where do I wanna see myself next year? Where do I wanna see myself in 5 or 10 years?
In 2002 (when I graduated HS) I only knew I wanted to be out of high school, and I mostly knew what I didnt want. I didn't want to become a statistic, I didn't want to get pregnant, I didn't want to drop-out of HS, I didn't want to work at a minimium wage job forever, I didn't want to go to public assistance, I didn't want to count on a man for anything. I wanted more, I wanted be able to pay my own rent, buy my own things, stand on my own two feet so I wouldn't feel stuck with anyone because I couldn't survive on my own (I'll tell you why another time).
I am where I am because of me. I made the decision to try and beat the statistics and I'm still trying...
Don't be shy.. Contact me email (simplydenisi@gmail.com) or simply leave a comment :) I'm here for everyone :)
SimplyDenisi <3
Thursday, April 8, 2010
And the grind continues...
And the grind continues...
I hope to get accepted to a MSW program or a Mental Health Counseling program, I want to work with adolescents in a school setting and in the future open my own practice. I have plans people and why can't an admissions comittee see that?
Well I'm still hoping for the best in 2010. I haven't been accepted to any graduate program. I've received some rejection letters and havent heard anything from three programs. I want this like you wouldn't believe. I want to be successful, I want to set an example for my children, I want to have a career. But none of these programs care, they dont know me. My GPA is not as high as it should be but I poured my heart out on my statement of purpose and I have 6 graduate credits that proves I can do the work. I just want to chance to go out there and change lives and I know I can. But let's see where it takes me..
I hope to get accepted to a MSW program or a Mental Health Counseling program, I want to work with adolescents in a school setting and in the future open my own practice. I have plans people and why can't an admissions comittee see that?I dont want to give up, Im not going to give up. When I think this year my going to be 26, I feel time is running out. If I get accepted for Fall I can work on my school work and prepare to have my children when I'm about 28 which I think it's the perfect time. By that time I can have my masters or almost be done, I'll have my house. That'll happen in my little perfect world but things seem to hold me back but one day I'll get there.
SimplyDenisi <3
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