For the most part it's great! I feel good about myself and I'm a lot more social and adventurous. I'm not afraid of taking a risks and really push myself in every aspect. I'm happier, feel more attractive, and a lot more comfortable with myself. I notice now that a year ago I was in a bit of denial. There was parts of me that were okay with me but deep down, I knew the deal.
I was lazy. Going up stairs was a drag and I would twice twice and three times about walking down a couple of blocks. I was in denial about it when my mother would comment about it, I would say no I'm active and it's not a big deal. I loved dancing and would never turn down a dance so I would tell myself, "You see I'm not lazy!". I would play these psych games with myself and convince myself that I was fine but again deep deep down I knew.
I knew I should go to the gym, I knew I shouldn't of ate that, I knew I was big but didn't realize I was THAT big.
I look at pictures and I'm like wow was I really that big? I ask my husband did I really look like that? He says no but my mother says yes. It's really mind boggling because when I look in the mirror I still see myself as I did back then. I notice my collar bone sticks out a little more now but I'm still Denise. This messes with me because now I'm scared. I'm scared that the person I'm looking at is not what the public looks at. I've become obsessed with makeup and try to wear almost every day. It makes me feel better, I'll be honest almost like a mask. This week I haven't worn any, I don't want this to be me. I don't want to become dependent on anything. I used to be dependent on food (I'm still working on that) and now I'm picking up something else.
I try to keep myself on check by stepping back and really looking at my behaviors. This may sound crazy but I just want to be aware of myself.
Scared of Failure: I'm still scared of failure well I know I hope I can do it but scared of others looking at me and thining wow she should've lost more weight or wow all of that surgery but still look like that?? I had someone ask me today, "so when is your surgery scheduled for?" I was almost in tears. Or when they ask "so how much have u lost? Like 40?", I just want to scream. Ugh. It will get better though.
It's all a process and since it's so life changing, it's very emotional with again high and lows. I'm just rolling with the punches taking the positive with the negative. I'm very optimistic for the future, while living once day at a time. Hope this is a little helpful. If you have any questions or comments dont think twice to leave a comment or shoot me an email.
I'm Denise, from NYC, a newlywed as of Nov 2008. I graduated from Hunter College in 2007 with a BA in Psychology. I'm working at a utility company as a sales rep which has nothing to do with my career goals but in this economy you have to take it where ever you can get it. It's not bad paying but just an extremely boring. But as soon as I can, I'm a graduate student on my way to a MSW (Master's in Social Work).
About my personality, I'm a really genuine person but I don't like to deal with drama or negativity. I'm 100% real and honest.
My issue, everyone's not 100% perfect. So what's my issue? My weight and what gets to me is that sometimes it's a bigger issue for the people around me (except my husband) than it is for me. You see I was born is 11 pounds so I've been over weight since day 1. So ALL my life I've been hearing how much I should lose weight. How much prettier I would be. How much more I would enjoy life. I've grown up with this complex that it would be impossible to be happy while having this weight.
But now look married, college grad and I'm pretty happy with me. How? lol I'm just being simply me. For more info visit: simplydenisi(dot)com