Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Just me.

I'm back and ready to conquer it ALL.

Well I see I lost some followers but new beginnings it is.

I've fell off my dieting and exercising and just focused on getting better then came school. I didn't even want to think about dieting even though it was in back of my head everyday. I realized we are really obsessed with food, dieting, self imagine and sometimes it looks and feels so unhealthy.

WoW will I spend my entire life yo-yoing with diets and thinking about my diet. It makes me sad to think this is going to be a never ending struggle.
I don't think I'm necessarily obsessed because I try not to think about it as much.

But I DO think about and it DOES bother me. When I do think about I try to shake it off and think like no
Denise you are who you are and eff them. I can't help but when I'm around my thin sisters or my other family members I feel ugly, fatter than what I usually feel then I think I HAVE to lose weight RIGHT NOW. I don't want to eat around them. I sometimes don't like to eat in front of people generally because I am the size that I
am they might think I eat like a pig and keep it fat kid style all day but I don't. Don't get me wrong I pig out sometimes but usually I get full really fast; I don't like greasy, fatty foods like that, I don't eat candy often but I am obsessed with

Most of the time I am comfortable with myself and I love my chubby self but others make me feel self conscious because being over-weight isn't socially accepted. Will we ever over come this?

Don't get me wrong I get it, we are unhealthy, we ha
ve a short life span etc. BUT my mother's side of the family is mostly overweight; so is that a coincidence? The advice thin or "healthy" people give me never surprises me. Since I've been overweight all my life and have known about it I've been hearing all the health risks and how to lose weight, and when to lose weight and how different I would look, feel, be.. I'VE HEARD IT ALL.. Sometime others just don't understand what we struggle with.. I mean we can be almost compared to like when Africans were slaves. We aren't beaten or even go thought what they went through but they were looked at as different. People made them feel inferior and like outsiders living in white society. We are fattys living in a "skinny" society.

I cope with it pretty well. I have my good days and bad days but mostly good but others don't. They are looked as hungry hippos so they conform and in their mind they use food as make me feel better pill. The pill works for about 5 seconds then it's like wha
t did I do? DAM that 5 MORE pounds! But they fall into it again then it becomes a cycle then you're superduper obese.
Sometimes it's deeper. I'm still looking and working on myself but it's a work-in-progress. When I'm home and something is bothering me or I'm depressed I do eat more but why? Why does my friend losses her appetite and experiences the total opposite when she is depressed but my appetite increases by like 100%?

What shall we do? When will we change? Obesity is a huge problem, have you guess seen the McDonalds portions in europe compared to the ones in the states? funny. They can control fast food over there why can't our government do the same here? The FDA controls everything else? Why not control what vendors put in our food? It's almost like they don't care, or trying to make us sicker so more money for programs, more money for doctors, more money for taxes.

Why are people trying to fight Obama on healthcare?

Im not like making theories or trying to uncover government secrets, I just wonder whats going on sometimes.. looking at the bigger picture..


Until next time.

simplyDenisi <3

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