Thursday, June 11, 2009

Blogging Absence

I know I know.. I just started and I've already took a break. Well unfortunately I haven't been feeling 100 % lately. I go through this about once a year but this time it's hit me the hardest. I have hormone problem where my body doesn't when to ovulate or control anything. I've been tested for thyroid issues before and they've always been normal. This time my blood work came back slightly abnormal so that's being looked into further.

Now why haven't I been feeling normal?? Well I menstruated for three weeks straight but the last week was the worst. I don't want to get too graphic but I had to change every half hour. Disaster! The bleeding has stopped a little over a week now but I've had a nonstop headache for 3 WEEKS! The doctors say it's because of the lack of oxygen and iron in my blood but I don't know. If I don't take anything it's a painful migraine, if I take migraine medicine it's manageable but it's still there. I feel like doing nothing all day, I've been on ibuprofen, Excedrin migraine, imatriex or fiorcet for over a month because of the bleeding at first and now the headache.

I don't know how to act sick, I can be dieing inside and I'm always smiling and talking but some moments I can't take the pain so I mention "oh I'm so sick" and people dismisses me. No one knows how I feel. I now understand why people with MS commit suicide because to be sick everyday feeling pain and fatigue is frustrating!! My eye is super sensitive now when I blink my right eye blanks out and I see black then it comes back, my ears are a little clogged. I explained this to my doctor, he referred me to do an MRI. It came back normal thank God so he says it's the oxygen and iron levels but my God i just want to feel normal AGAIN!! WHEN? I get depressed thinking about it and thinking I may have something really wrong with me but no one cares.

Daily I ask: What if i die? What if I become mentality ill as a result of this? What if I can't have children because of this? Whats wrong with me? What am I going to do with myself? What should I do? Where should I go? Who do I go see? Then the crying begins. I feel alone.

Everyday I look at different things I can have: meningitis, stroke, high blood pressure etc.

No matter how old u get, u always need your mother. My mother has been in the Dominican Republic for the past month, and I miss her like crazy. I don't want to ask her to come back because she is retired and she is enjoying herself like she should. I'm like yearning for just her presence because I know she won't let anything happen to me. She calls me everyday but I don't tell her much because I don't want her to worry while she is over there and she is coming back on June 29th that's three weeks away. I wanna be an adult but I can't help to just want my mommy.

So we are back on!


Sicky Denisi ...

PS: I gained all the weight I lost but my doctor said it's probably my thyroid so I'm going to see a specialist :(

1 comment:

  1. Oh have got to stop reading about medical conditions you 'might' have! That is just going to keep you down!

    It sounds like you've been through a really bad patch over the last few weeks. It can be even harder when our mums are absent. I don't think we ever outgrow needing our mums. In my first 2 labours I asked for my mummy! Thank goodness, she was there. But, last year I had my 3rd child here in the UK without my mum, and it was horrible. So, I can sorta understand where you are coming from!

    I hope hubbie is giving you a bit of extra tlc and help around the home.

    Chin up Nisi. I'm praying for you and believing you will have a great week.

    Speak to you soon.

    Amy xxx