I'm Back!

I'm back in business, I hope I wasn't missed that much and everyone has had a wonderful and healthy month!

After multiple doctor and hospital visits, a blood transfusion and all sorts of medications, I'm revived! I have a possible thyroid problem which messes with my hormones and cranial hypertension (IIH) which gives me a non stop headache and it's getting better. My mother finally arrived from the Dominican Republic and has nursed me back to health. Thank God for mothers, I don't know what I would've done without her. I took almost two weeks off from work and dedicated time to me and it felt wonderful.

I'm in the process of giving myself a mini makeover and just renewing my look. I really want to give my apartment a makeover but that would be much more expensive.

I feel like my old self again! I felt like I've been lost for years when it has been months but I'm glad everything has worked out and nothing crucial happened.

I'm thankful for my mother, my hasband and my sister for all their care. It's nice to feel you have people around you that you can count on and are just there to love you and embrace you. My husband never let go of my hand and I always knew and felt how much he loves me. My sister is like my second mother, called me every single hour and took me to the doctors and the hospital. She always knows the questions to ask and how to handle every situation. She is a strong woman and I'm glad to have her around as a role model. We as women all need to be strong independent women and she has taught me that. My mother no words can explain what she means to me. No matter how old I get or what I do in life she has the power to make me feel like her little baby. As soon as she got to NY she gave me vitamins, iron juices, just everything. She knew exactly what to do and when. She put me under her wing and made sure I was okay. She took me every where to doctors, the hospital, acupuncture just everything. She prepares breakfast, lunch and dinner to make sure I'm okay. The love and the comfort I feel with her is undescriable, I don't feel that with no one else. I feel my mother is there 100% no matter what.

I hope one day I can just like that with my children and make them feel the same way. It's amazing nothing like your mother.

Blogging Absence

I know I know.. I just started and I've already took a break. Well unfortunately I haven't been feeling 100 % lately. I go through this about once a year but this time it's hit me the hardest. I have hormone problem where my body doesn't when to ovulate or control anything. I've been tested for thyroid issues before and they've always been normal. This time my blood work came back slightly abnormal so that's being looked into further.

Now why haven't I been feeling normal?? Well I menstruated for three weeks straight but the last week was the worst. I don't want to get too graphic but I had to change every half hour. Disaster! The bleeding has stopped a little over a week now but I've had a nonstop headache for 3 WEEKS! The doctors say it's because of the lack of oxygen and iron in my blood but I don't know. If I don't take anything it's a painful migraine, if I take migraine medicine it's manageable but it's still there. I feel like doing nothing all day, I've been on ibuprofen, Excedrin migraine, imatriex or fiorcet for over a month because of the bleeding at first and now the headache.

I don't know how to act sick, I can be dieing inside and I'm always smiling and talking but some moments I can't take the pain so I mention "oh I'm so sick" and people dismisses me. No one knows how I feel. I now understand why people with MS commit suicide because to be sick everyday feeling pain and fatigue is frustrating!! My eye is super sensitive now when I blink my right eye blanks out and I see black then it comes back, my ears are a little clogged. I explained this to my doctor, he referred me to do an MRI. It came back normal thank God so he says it's the oxygen and iron levels but my God i just want to feel normal AGAIN!! WHEN? I get depressed thinking about it and thinking I may have something really wrong with me but no one cares.

Daily I ask: What if i die? What if I become mentality ill as a result of this? What if I can't have children because of this? Whats wrong with me? What am I going to do with myself? What should I do? Where should I go? Who do I go see? Then the crying begins. I feel alone.

Everyday I look at different things I can have: meningitis, stroke, high blood pressure etc.

No matter how old u get, u always need your mother. My mother has been in the Dominican Republic for the past month, and I miss her like crazy. I don't want to ask her to come back because she is retired and she is enjoying herself like she should. I'm like yearning for just her presence because I know she won't let anything happen to me. She calls me everyday but I don't tell her much because I don't want her to worry while she is over there and she is coming back on June 29th that's three weeks away. I wanna be an adult but I can't help to just want my mommy.

So we are back on!

Kisses...

Sicky Denisi ...

PS: I gained all the weight I lost but my doctor said it's probably my thyroid so I'm going to see a specialist :(